TW: disgusting perverted thoughts,SA
I dont know why but I like men older than me like about 20-50 years older. Everytime I have an adult male figure in my life (FAMILY NOT INCLUDED) or I see an older guy in public all I can think about is how much I want them to fuck me, I want to submit to them so bad it sometimes grosses me out cause of how strong the urge gets. The first instance of this I can remember was when I was on a vacation with my family, there was a huge public pool with 3 hot tubs and I decided to go to one of the hot tubs by myself. A guy with a grey prickly beard, sunglasses, and a beer came into the hot tub I was in even though there was an empty one across from us. I was very uncomfortable because he sat pretty close to me and kept trying to make small talk when I made it clear I didn't want to so I texted my sister to make up an excuse to get but she didn't want to so eventually I built up the courage and left. When I got back to the condo I told my family what happened, dried off, then layed down in bed replaying what happened and the more I thought about it the more I wished something would've happened. I wanted him to fuck me like an animal (haha limp bizkit/NIN refrence) so bad, I wanted to be violated like I was worth nothing write more later